ENGAGING THOUGHT
Being misunderstood can be annoying...perhaps even dangerous. While on a trip to Mexico with my High School Spanish Club we would go out in the evening to local hot-spots and restaurants to interact with people and enjoy the culture. One night while at a large dance-club in Guadalajara one of my friends nearly got beaten up by a bunch of locals had it not been for our teacher's quick-thinking and comprehension of the situation. Here's what happened: my friend is hanging out at the edge, watching everyone dance (he's very white so, no, dancing wasn't going to happen). A young woman approached, asking if he wanted to dance. He replies that he was just watching. She leaves in a huff and tells her humungous brother (who knew that Mexicans could be that big!?!) who, along with several locals, proceed to accost my friend, yelling at him in Spanish far faster than he or any of us can comprehend. Thankfully, our teacher jumped in to rescue the situation before it got ugly.
The moral of the story: if you're approached by a young woman while at a Mexican dance-club, be sure you know the difference between, "No, I'm just watching," and "No, I'd like to keep shopping for something better."
After 20 years in pastoral ministry, working with numerous couples experiencing various struggles in their relationships or marriages, I've noticed one consistent pattern: the absolute necessity of learning to communicate. By far, the vast majority of interpersonal conflicts I've had opportunity to help people wade through have arisen due to poor, faulty, or non-existent communication. The ability to be understood is, unfortunately, not a born trait that we inherit from our parents - in fact, it seems the opposite tends to be true: our base-line communication patterns are usually almost identical to our parents. Is that comforting or frightening to you? Unless we very deliberately seek to change our patterns of communicating or learn new skills when it comes to expressing our thoughts and desires, we are pretty much guaranteed to be frequently misunderstood.
Even in learning to communicate God's DREAM to others we run the risk of being misunderstood or of communicating an entirely different message than what we had hoped. Taking the time to consider how others will "hear" what we are saying will pay off significant dividends later. This may be a revolutionary thought for some: the responsibility of understanding falls to the one communicating, not the one listening (assuming the listener cares at all, of course). If I want you to come to an understanding of the DREAM I am pursuing, then I need to be sure to communicate to you in a way you can receive and understand. It does no good to tell you my DREAM in Swahili if you don't understand Swahili. I may be telling you the truth - perhaps even quite eloquently - but if it's in a language you cannot understand, then who's fault is it? That's right, mine. I have the responsibility to tell you in a way you can understand and grasp.
Similarly, have you ever noticed that when we try to speak to someone who doesn't understand our language that we almost instinctively raise our voice and repeat what we said? As if their problem was hearing, not understanding. I imagine they're thinking, "Oh, thank you for yelling. I didn't understand English until you said the same thing REALLY LOUDLY." We try the same repeating trick when we feel we aren't being understood when talking with someone in our own language - and yes, even the same escalating volume trick, as well. Good plan: if it isn't graspable at a volume of "2" we should try it at "9" and say it over and over and over. That should work, right?
So, the bottom-line is this: miscommunication is not often the result of misunderstanding, but rather, the result of failing to take into account how the other receives. If we desire others to come to an understanding of who we are and where we are headed then we must also consider if the words we choose and the meaning behind them convey what we really mean and what others will understand.
This is another one of those ACTION STEPS where you'd be wise to play with it a bit, set it aside for a while, come back to it later with a fresh perspective, tweak it some more. I find that trying to complete this step in one sitting tends to be limiting.
The moral of the story: if you're approached by a young woman while at a Mexican dance-club, be sure you know the difference between, "No, I'm just watching," and "No, I'd like to keep shopping for something better."
After 20 years in pastoral ministry, working with numerous couples experiencing various struggles in their relationships or marriages, I've noticed one consistent pattern: the absolute necessity of learning to communicate. By far, the vast majority of interpersonal conflicts I've had opportunity to help people wade through have arisen due to poor, faulty, or non-existent communication. The ability to be understood is, unfortunately, not a born trait that we inherit from our parents - in fact, it seems the opposite tends to be true: our base-line communication patterns are usually almost identical to our parents. Is that comforting or frightening to you? Unless we very deliberately seek to change our patterns of communicating or learn new skills when it comes to expressing our thoughts and desires, we are pretty much guaranteed to be frequently misunderstood.
Even in learning to communicate God's DREAM to others we run the risk of being misunderstood or of communicating an entirely different message than what we had hoped. Taking the time to consider how others will "hear" what we are saying will pay off significant dividends later. This may be a revolutionary thought for some: the responsibility of understanding falls to the one communicating, not the one listening (assuming the listener cares at all, of course). If I want you to come to an understanding of the DREAM I am pursuing, then I need to be sure to communicate to you in a way you can receive and understand. It does no good to tell you my DREAM in Swahili if you don't understand Swahili. I may be telling you the truth - perhaps even quite eloquently - but if it's in a language you cannot understand, then who's fault is it? That's right, mine. I have the responsibility to tell you in a way you can understand and grasp.
Similarly, have you ever noticed that when we try to speak to someone who doesn't understand our language that we almost instinctively raise our voice and repeat what we said? As if their problem was hearing, not understanding. I imagine they're thinking, "Oh, thank you for yelling. I didn't understand English until you said the same thing REALLY LOUDLY." We try the same repeating trick when we feel we aren't being understood when talking with someone in our own language - and yes, even the same escalating volume trick, as well. Good plan: if it isn't graspable at a volume of "2" we should try it at "9" and say it over and over and over. That should work, right?
So, the bottom-line is this: miscommunication is not often the result of misunderstanding, but rather, the result of failing to take into account how the other receives. If we desire others to come to an understanding of who we are and where we are headed then we must also consider if the words we choose and the meaning behind them convey what we really mean and what others will understand.
ACTION STEP
Today you get to grab a red pen, put on your school 'marm glasses, and mark up your written plan! It's time to do some hyper-critical scrutinizing of the way your DREAM is worded.
Here are some basic steps/questions to ask of your written plan:
1) Are there any words that could be easily misconstrued?
2) Are there any words or phrases that are imprecise? Ex: some, any, a bit, a while, etc.
3) Are you absolutely certain that the words you have chosen mean what you think they mean? Did you check in a dictionary?
4) Take a look at the key words in your DREAM. Are there similar words that may convey a more precise or impacting meaning? Use a thesaurus to find synonyms.
Tomorrow we'll channel our inner-immaturity in an attempt to clarify the DREAM.
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